Wednesday, January 4, 2012

2011/ Codependent No More

I'll be honest. I was going to make one of those lists. Those accomplishments for the year. How I've been published, taught a a class, curated outrageous art events, been a featured performer, a grantee (twice), a panelist, a singer on stage (and in a studio), and approached to do a photo series for a fancy company.

I was going to write about all the conferences I attended, the important moments, my first creative consulting clients,  the interfaith work, Occupy wall street sleepovers, collaborations, my first artist residency, my first films.

But here's the thing- 100% the biggest game changer for me was in September/Late August when I finally realized I was codependent. Not only me, but my mom, my grandmother, and many of my friends. This one truth has been hardest to grapple with and effects everything from my relationships with friends, to family, to lovers.

Going into 2012 it's all about ME. Taking personal responsibility, and finally asking the question
"What do I want?"
- not what do I think YOU want & not what SHOULD I want.

It's absolutely the most difficult thing. Codependency includes control issues, guilt issues, self-esteem issues, and it means changing every thought process. This shift means taking it easier on myself yet expecting more. It means asserting boundaries and sticking to them. It means respecting others inclinations. It means admitting that I am deserving.

So cheers. Cheers to healthier relationship patterns, to self-care, to asking for what I want, to following my bliss, and allowing you to follow yours.

By Lenora Jayne